Have you ever looked at your partner and thought, I love you, but an organized kitchen and eight hours of sleep sound way sexier than sex right now? You are not broken, and your sex drive hasn't vanished.
In this episode, we are diving into the connection between mental clutter, burnout, and your libido with the incredible Dr. Julie Merriman—a PhD counselor and author of Are We Gonna Have Sex or What?. She breaks down the science of our nervous system like a friend, explaining how decades of chronic stress take pleasure offline.
We talk about the "Good Girl Detox" that naturally begins in midlife, giving us the perfect opportunity to stop over-functioning and put ourselves first. Dr. Julie shares simple, practical somatic tools to help you get re-embodied, clear out the mental chaos, and reclaim your vital drive for life
Grab a copy of Julie Merriman’s book, “Are we gonna have sex or what?!” here: https://amzn.to/4gwSnz2
Give the A Slob Comes Clean podcast a listen: https://www.aslobcomesclean.com/podcasts/
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Julie Merriman Bio
Julie Merriman, Ph.D., LPC-S, CSC is a nationally recognized professor, clinician, author, and speaker with more than 25 years of experience helping women reclaim energy, intimacy, and aliveness after decades of caregiving, achievement, and emotional labor.
She is the author of In Pursuit of Soul Joy: A 12-Week Guide for Overcoming Burnout and Compassion Fatigue, a science-grounded roadmap for helpers and high-achieving women who are exhausted from living in survival mode. She is also the author of Are We Gonna Have Sex or What?, a bold, compassionate guide for women over 50 ready to feel sexy in their skin again and reconnect with desire from the nervous system up.
Julie is the host of the podcasts Compassion Fatigue Cure and Sexy After 50, where she dismantles myths about burnout, aging, hormones, and libido and teaches trauma-informed, nervous-system-based pathways back to vitality, pleasure, confidence, and authentic connection.
She holds a Ph.D. in Counselor Education and Supervision and is a Licensed Professional Counselor-Supervisor, Certified Sex Counselor, Certified Compassion Fatigue Therapist, Registered Trauma Therapist, and Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor. Julie currently serves as Program Director, Clinical Coordinator, and Associate Professor in graduate counseling education and has held senior leadership roles including Associate Dean, Department Head, and Clinical Director across universities, treatment centers, and community mental health systems.
Her work integrates neuroscience, trauma-informed care, attachment theory, and embodied healing (Somatic and Chakra Psychology). Julie has trained thousands of clinicians, educators, healthcare professionals, and first responders nationwide on burnout, compassion fatigue, nervous system regulation, and relational resilience. Her research and clinical expertise span compassion fatigue prevention, counselor supervision, trauma recovery, and midlife identity transitions.
Julie is also the founder of Dr. Julie Merriman Wellness, LLC and the creator of the Soul Joy™ body of work, which supports women in moving from depletion to radiance—emotionally, relationally, and physically. Known for her direct, compassionate voice and no-nonsense clinical clarity, she brings both academic rigor and lived wisdom to conversations most people avoid.
She has been featured on national television, radio, podcasts, and in print media and is a sought-after speaker for organizations and conferences ready to have honest conversations about burnout, desire, intimacy, and midlife reinvention.
Julie lives on her ranch in Texas and believes midlife is not a slow fade—it’s a powerful return.
Timestamps
00:00 Intro & Introducing Dr. Julie Merriman
02:14 Why an Organized Home Feels Sexier than Sex
03:19 The Clutter - Libido Relationship
07:46 How to Get Back to Your Libido
14:12 Unpacking the Polyvagal Theory
16:45 What is Allostatic Load?
19:32 Chakra Psychology & Somatic Psychology
22:55 When Your Body Is Not Ready for Pleasure
25:44 Hormonal Desire vs. Capacity for Desire
27:07 Practical Tools to Reconnect with Your Body
36:21 The "Good Girl Detox"
40:37 How to Ask for What You Need Without Guilt
46:49 Why Some Women Feel Sexier at 55 than 35
54:00 Rapid-Fire Questions
56:38 Guided Somatic Practice
59:37 Final Questions
